Here's my recipe for the perfect turkey...first time, every time! (Notice the old comments regarding the meat thermometer.)

1. Rinse the bird inside and out. Drain well.

2. Grease (margarine or oil or Crisco or a light spray of Pam) the skin and season with salt, pepper and paprika.

3. Place in a roasting pan breast side Down. This keeps the breast meat from overcooking before the dark meat is cooked.

4. Put in preheated oven (350F).

5. After 1/2 hour, baste with a mixture of 3 cups apple juice and 1/2 cup soy sauce.

6. Baste every half hour until the last hour, when you baste every 15 minutes. Timing is critical for turkey...I tend not to follow charts because, frankly, every bird is different. Rather, I use a meat thermometer stuck into the deepest part of the thigh.

My thermometer says to take it to 180F internal, but an article in the La Times three years ago says that all bacteria are dead at 165F. They recommend taking the turkey out of the oven at 160F and allow it to come to 165F in a foil tent, at which time it will be perfect. Myself, I find too often that parts of the bird are undercooked, so I leave it in the oven till somewhere between 165 and 170.

[Revision: with my Polder thermometer, I set it to go off at 166F...by the time I get back to the kitchen and get it out of the oven, it's about 167F, and I find that to be perfect.]

Once it hits around 155, you have to keep a closer eye on it because at this point, it could overcook very quickly.

I think what I'm trying to say is that jazzy isn't what people are looking for in a turkey...you want something special, and I can understand that. But do it with the side dishes...not the bird.

And whatever you do, don't fall for that hoax popcorn stuffing recipe...as the myth goes, you put unpopped kernels in the stuffing and when it blows its a** off, the turkey is done. Doesn't work...never will, because the internal temp of the bird is too low...you end up with a mess of stuffing that is inedible because of those kernels, too.

One last thing. The baste (apple juice and soy sauce) is not only good for the turkey....while the bird is resting before you carve it, siphon off the liquid from the pan and it will make the absolutely best gravy you've ever tasted...I guarantee it personally!

B'teyavon!