Measure 3 cups flour into large bowl; answer telephone. Take large bowl off small child's head; sweep up flour. Measure 3 cups flour into large bowl. Measure 1/4 cup shortening; answer doorbell. Wash shortening from child's hands and face. Add 1/4 cup shortening to flour. Mix well; rock crying baby for 10 minutes. Answer telephone. Put older child in tub and scrub well. Scrape flour and shortening mixture from floor, adding enough tears to relieve tension. Open 1 can of beans and serve with remaining strength.